There are a lot of differences between men and women and those differences shape how we see, interpret, and respond to the same situation
I had a great example of that recently when a woman at work recently told me “Top Gun” was a love story between Maverick and Iceman. Every man in the room immediately disagreed.
The reason she said it was because there is a difference between how she is pre-wired to see relationships and how I’m pre-wired to see relationships.
I see two rivals who earned each other’s respect through performance and competence. Which doesn’t mean they were suddenly besties.
Fellows, you and your wife, girlfriend, sister are not the same.
Husbands and wives usually see the same problem differently, and hear the same words differently
One wants to solve an issue immediately but the other needs time to process what is happening.
One speaks directly using a few words while the other talks about every possible nuance using lots of words.
One measures the love of the other person through actions but the other looks for attention.
And that is why marriage is hard.
We shouldn’t automatically treat our differences like evidence that something is wrong with the marriage. Sometimes, nothing is wrong, it’s just two different people who are simply learning how to build one life together.
That’s why a successful marriage requires a husband to remember your wife isn’t your opponent; she’s your teammate.
That means a husband learns that leading does not always mean taking control; sometimes it means listening longer, speaking softer, and admitting when he is wrong.
A wife learns that being heard does not always mean “winning”, sometimes it means trusting, yielding on some matters, and speaking truth with grace.
The differences between husbands and wives aren’t a problem to be solved. They are meant to be strengths.
One partner is impulsive, the other is steady.
One partner is anxious, the other is calm.
When one partner sees risk, the other sees possibility.
When one is tired and ready to give up, the other talks about hope.
A marriage is strongest when what one partner lacks is supplied by the other partner. Just because it’s a strength of one partner doesn’t mean that it’s a weakness of the other.
Marriage is not just about passion, it is about coordination. It is about asking and again, how do we move forward without moving apart?
The answer is to remember the person across from you is not the enemy, but your partner.
Husbands and wives differ and that will not change. Two people do not need to become the same to become united. They simply need to keep choosing to believe the best about each other, especially when the road is difficult.
Proverbs for the Modern Man
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. Proverbs 31:10–11
Man Laws
You learn a lot about a man when he doesn’t get what he wants
PS
The idea for this column came from a song recorded by the Zac Brown Band titled “Trying to Drive”. The lyrics are powerful and there’s a link to the song at the end.
You know I’m not right
If I’m not right with you
And no one can make me feel like you do
I’ll be the one that laid my heart down on the line
So come and save me darling
Love me one more
‘Cause you’re not always right
And I’m not always wrong
It’s not like I don’t try
This is where we belong
One way, everything’s gonna be away
But darling I’m on your side
‘Cause it’s one wheel, four hands, two hearts trying to understand
How we gonna to get there?
We’re both trying to drive
We’re both trying to drive
You might be right
And I’m out of touch
I guess everything I have to give
Just ain’t enough
I’m trying to make the most
I know what it’s not
‘Cause darling I can give you something I got
‘Cause you’re not always right
I’m not always wrong
It’s not like I don’t try
This is where we belong
One way, everything’s gonna be away
But darling I’m on your side
One wheel, four hands, two hearts trying to understand
How we gonna to get there?
We’re both trying to drive
I can feel it under my seat
On the sideline of my life
Watch the rain fall to the ground
To the beat of the same old fight
Every song is brewing this war
When we find ourselves
In the mix of it, give a little bit
And we’ll fly fly, fly
One way, everything’s gonna be away
But darling, darling I’m on your side
One wheel, four hands, two hearts trying to understand
How we gonna to get there?
One wheel, four hands, two hearts trying to understand
How we gonna to get there?
We’re both trying to drive
Trying to drive