#28- At 61, I’m Still Looking For My Crew
There are a lot of things I miss about being a kid. I miss riding my bike to the Athens public pool and hanging out for the afternoon. I miss waterskiing until my legs were shaking from fatigue. I miss the feeling of freedom when I pulled out of my driveway on my motorcycle. This was before cell phones, which meant my only restriction was my curfew.
And I miss hanging out with my buddies.
I always welled up with a sense of pride that I was a part of that group. A crew. A gang of little white boys. We did lots of stuff together. We parked our motorcycles together at church and then we rode off as a group after church. Picture 7 or 8 teenage boys roaring away from the First Baptist Church of Athens. Think Heck’s Angels.
I didn’t know it then, but I was experiencing a mental high because I was getting something I needed, I was part of a group.
Later on I got that acceptance from sports teams. All the football players got gray windbreaker jackets to wear when it wasn’t cold enough to wear a letterman’s jacket. The windbreaker had our name, number and “Athens High Football” on the back. Even if I was by myself, everybody who saw me knew I was part of the team. But the best times were when a group of us were walking into a party or down the aisle in a mall all wearing our jackets.
I miss that. Even at 61, I’d still join up with a group of guys if I had a chance. The reason I haven’t is there aren’t a lot of choices. Think about it, a guy over 35 has limited options if he wants to join a group. The Masons. Sports leagues. Hunting clubs. Country clubs. Men’s-only civic clubs are essentially gone.” That’s about it. You can’t have a men’s only civic club, so that’s out. You have to take part in an activity if you want to join a country club or hunting club.
I can’t be the only man who’s thinking about this. Even if it’s not a conscious thought, the average guy knows there’s something missing in his life, but he doesn’t know how to describe the emptiness. Even with a great marriage and kids, a job he enjoys, there’s still something missing. He feels guilty for bringing it up. What’s he got to complain about? But the nagging feeling won’t go away. And it never will.
Too many men try to use a hobby to fill the void. The problem is many hobbies are solo activities like woodworking or working on cars or fishing. Nothing wrong with these, but they are no substitute for being on a team.
A group of men all rowing in the same direction. The score doesn’t matter. The battle is what’s important to the player. The giving of everything the player had and having another man’s back is what drives them. If you ever get a taste of that, you’ll spend the rest of your life looking for it.
I found it when I was young and I’m still looking for it at 61.
Proverbs for Men: Timeless Truths for Modern Challenges
Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble. Proverbs 13:20
Man Law
Avoid those who don't and surround yourself with those who do